amazing

You make me laugh. I have a feeling we have lots of fun in our future.
xoxo
Mama

A bursting heart.

Your here! Today is the last day of your 10th week; I can hardly believe that you have been around that long. We are finally settling in to a good rhythm, but it has taken some getting used to. Even after this many weeks I still find myself overwhelmed at the idea of delving into the details and emotions of your arrival and the impact you have made on my life. So many nights after your birth I laid in my bed planning out how I would tell you about the day you were born. I want to recount the details perfectly, before it all slips away. I wonder if you will ever ask me to tell you again about the day you were born.
Just before you arrived a friend told me that I would never understand how much my parents loved me until you were born, and then I would be blown away to think that anyone ever loved me as much as I love you. She was right. I never knew my heart could be this full. I had no idea that I would ever be able to love someone like I love you. My heart aches just thinking of you, across the hall, sleeping to peacefully, smelling so sweet. I turn on the monitor just to have one more look before I fall asleep every night. We have been apart a few times, only when I feel like I might need a little mama time. The entire time am gone I am only thinking of you, wanting to get back to you, imagining your sweet smile in my mind's eye. How can this be? How is it possible that I love you this much? Will you ever know? Yes, when your daughter is born you will finally understand that love that fills my heart every time you smile at me.

A labor of love.

You were conceived in Mexico on our honeymoon. I am sure there will be a day that this information will make you cringe, so I am sorry in advance: proceed with the "ewwww". I will never forget that day that I found out I was pregnant, your Papa was white as a ghost in total disbelief, I sat on the floor in the kitchen and thought even then that I would always remember how I felt in that moment. I was never scared; I was always ready to be your mama.
On November 1, 2009 during a quick shopping trip, you made it known that you were ready to be my baby. Dr. Spooner had already scheduled me to be induced the following day, you were a week late, I was big as a house and we were all ready for you to arrive. Strangely, when the doctor told me I would be induced I was upset. I didn't want you to be rushed, I wanted you to come in your own time, on your own terms, and so you can imagine my excitement when my water broke at the Baby Gap. I made it to the bathroom to stuff my pants with paper towels so that I could make it out of the store without too much attention. I made it over to the store where mom and Catherine were shopping; it was 2:30pm. I let them know (quietly) that they should make their purchases quickly so that we could get closer to home. I went to get the car, pulled it up to the door and mom came running with plastic shopping bags for me to sit on. Off we went to the hospital. I called your papa; he was in disbelief, he arranged for someone to come to the store so he could leave and quickly made his way to Plano to meet me. Once I arrived they confirmed that my water had in fact broken and immediately hooked up a fetal monitor to check on your status. I was having some mild contractions; they were about 5-6 minutes apart. Soon your papa arrived and found me in Labor & Delivery.
By 5:00pm Dr. Spooner gave my nurse the clear to start pitocin to help increase my contractions and move things along I was only dilated to 4 and not making much progress. Once the pitocin started you got a little stressed. Your heart rate dropped, the nurses were concerned and elected to stop the drugs until we could both get things back to normal. Your papa and I got a little sleep, my labor had nearly stopped, it was clear that I was going to need some help to get things going again.
The nurses were instructed to start the pitocin again at 2:00am after my water had been broken for 12 hours. On the second round things got going pretty quickly. The contractions came fast and hard. I was focused on Jaime, trying to breath through the pain. I had decided early in my pregnancy that I wanted to try to deliver without drugs. I was open to the option of an epidural, but I wanted to see what the fuss was all about first and see if I could manage it. After 3 hours of contractions (45 minutes of serious ones with lots of pain) I opted for drugs as I knew that without them I would not be able to truly experience this event as I would be completely consumed with the pain. With in minutes of my request a CRNA arrived and began his handy work. It was only a few minutes after that when my toes went numb, then my legs and soon the pain of the contractions were merely a slight pressure in my lower abdomen. It was sure to be smooth sailing from here. After that things started moving quickly. I was dilating slowly but consistently.
That morning when the nurses changed over I was at 6-7 and by noon I was at 10. I continued to breathe through contractions, they were fast, only about a minute apart; and they were big. Even with the drugs I was in a lot of pain. I got into a good rhythm of breathing and counting with Jaime and mom, I was able to manage the pain and the clock ticked by quickly with every contraction. Dr. Spooner arrived at 1:00. I will never forget her words or the expression on her face. She walked in and asked how I was doing. I quickly said, "I need to push, now." She seemed relaxed and cleared the room so she could check my progress to see how things were going and get an idea of where you were. I don't think she thought I would be as far along because almost immediately after putting on her glove she began raising the bed. She told me the nurse would be coaching be through pushing. She moved to the other side of the room, began some paper work feverishly and put on her coat, gloves and mask. She came back to me and the work began. I pushed my heart out. I remember watching your papa for any indication as to how things were going. I remember thinking that this would be one of the last moments of my life, as I know it. I remember being so excited at the thought that in just minutes I would be holding my daughter.
At 2:02pm on November 2, 2009 you arrived with a soft cry. Your eyes were so big and your face pink and round. I only saw you for a moment before they took you away to the warming try. The NICU team had been called in because you were born face up and the forceps were used. They checked you out and confirmed that you were fine. Once everyone cleared out he nurse brought you to me to nurse. We were compatible from the first moment we met. You latched on with no trouble; you stared at me intently the entire time. I couldn’t stop smiling as tears rolled down my cheek. You're perfect; ten fingers, ten toes and the sweetest face a mother could dream of. You would be going to the nursery for your first bath and blood work. Papa went with you, video camera and silly grin in tow. I took a short nap, had some graham crackers in juice and took inventory of my mid-section. I am sure I will be thanking you for that for years to come.
Later I was moved to a post-partum room where we would spend the next 2 days becoming a family. Soon your papa arrived to show me the video of your first bath. I will never forget the look of love on his face, for you and for me. He looked down at me in the bed and said, "You are the most amazing women I have ever known". I think he was impressed with what you and I had just pulled off, see we were a good team from the start.